{Deployment}

As you've read, I am currently "surviving deployment."

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It's so unique.

It is brave. It is hard. It is sensitive. It is thoughtful. It is rude. It is long. But mostly. It's worth it.

Kjirk is in the ARMY. He is an infantryman.... more specifically he is apart of the airborne division. Yes. He jumps out of airplanes. He's my adrenaline junkie.

He has been deployed since December 5th, 2011. He will not come home until September or October.

I haven't seen him for almost 4 months.

I have some thoughts on being a military SO (significant other) that I thought I would share with you. I don't know if it's a unique perspective, or a common one. It's just a perspective. But I thought I would share.

I've know many girls that swoon over a soldier. They love the uniforms (ok- well, who wouldn't). They love the men. And there is something about that lifestyle that attracts them. There is something they want in being with a soldier. I know you've seen these girls. I went to high school with them. I meet them around.... they do exist. And I do believe they are many.

I was never one of them.

I'm sure they are great guys, and there is a girl for them... but why would you go looking for this lifestyle?? Why would you want to date/marry someone who is gone. ALL. the. time.? Someone who has a very dangerous job. And why would you want to date someone so fascinated with guns and has to wear camo? Let me say it again... camo.

Well, look at what you get when you think like that.

I'll never be one to say "we are deployed." No. "We" are not. Kjirk is. But "we" do face this together. We both go through it and we both have our very own unique difficulties with it.

But this is my thought. These girls pining over their soldiers.... the scare me with the thought that they find their identity in their man.

There are several jobs in soceity that a man has that the wife's job is always titled "-------'s wife."

President's wife.
Pastor's wife.
Soldier's wife.

There are more, to be sure. But a soldiers wife, or a soldier's SO is what I'm talking about today. I've been reading many blogs and going through many websites for SO support during deployment. Believe me, we need to stick together. While I have never met many of these women, they tend to offer me better support than even some of my dearest friends.

Why? Because deployment is such a unique thing.
Why? Because they get it.
Why? Because if I have one more person tell me they "get it" because their boyfriend lives 2 hours away... I might kill them.

But as I search. As I read I come to find that that is who some of these women are. They have lost. their. identity. They are in every sense of the military word: The "dependent."

(Note: please hear me that I am NOT catergorizing all military wives/or SO's. Just some of whom lifestyle I would like to avoid.)

Many women find that that is how they are to live their lives. As the dependent. It is a lifestyle. Absolutely. 100%. My life really changed in some aspects because of the Army and I'm not even in!

But. Here's the difference. I am not solely a soldier's SO. I am Amanda. The same girl I was before.

I am a student.
A good cook.
I work.
I own a floral design business.
A passionate lover of Jesus.

And now I can proudly add a soldier's SO to that. This really applies to deployment.

Guys let me tell you. It's HARD. So very, very hard. Sometimes I think people don't realize it that I'm close to. Since Kjirk already lives long distance from me... what's the difference now? WRONG. And other times, just because I have a happy face all the time. Well, that doesn't mean it's all ok, either. It is a daily struggle.

I find pride in what Kjirk does. But I will not let it define me.

Actually, I think it does quite the opposite.

He and I have a very unique relationship. We are veryyyy opposite in many many ways. I am the artistic type. I talk too much. I can't let us go anywhere from point A to point B without pointing out something mundane that I just want to stare at because of it's beauty. He listens to only rap. Lil Wayne, actually. He's can be rather quiet. He really likes his guns and being outdoorsy. Yet we are the same in so many others. We are supportive of each other, we have the same goals for ourselves. We listen well. We make quite a team. I've always known I have a tendency to develop dependence on others. In friendships, relationships, etc. My last relationship became quite unhealthy. We were both too dependent on each other. I knew I could never let that happen again. I laugh at God's irony in this. There is no way for me to become too dependent on Kjirk, I don't think! Yes. We have a dependence on each other that I think is beautiful. Exactly the way a relationship should be. We rely on each other. We always have each other's backs. We are a team.

But he is often gone. Sometime's I don't hear from him for a week (please imagine having zero contact with your SO for a minute, and let it really sink in....). So what do I do? Wait around for him? No. I live like I would. I do the things I always do. I have to think of fun things to do on Friday nights, because I don't always get to go on dates. I have to always take out the garbage. I have to remember to rely on the Lord when I am alone- and not just Kjirk.

 I will remain independent. I will be me.

And the times he is home... Well, those are the days I love. I am a better person when he is home. It's the best of times. He adds to my happiness immensly. It's like happily ever after...

Thanks for listening. Do I have any military readers?

Oh! And p.s.  Kjirk actually gets to come for 2 full weeks of R&R in the middle of March. That's soooo soon!! I'm so ready!

Also. Ignore the doofy face I was making in that picture. It's the best I've got. Also note, that I was also standing on my tip-toes.

{Valentine's Day}

I love Valentine's day. I know I've said it a million times.... but it's true. I just love it. I have to say, this has been by far the best Valentine's day ever.

It started with a class party. Passing out Valentines and eating yummy treats. Work was slower than slow... but it was sweet as the flowers just kept showing up for people! My mom made a special appearance and brought me Valentine's, too. I had a party with some girlfriends who were alone that night, too. We ate yummies, made heart shaped brownies, and watched Valentines' day.

This was one of the little things my Mom made me... too cute, right? I think it will most definitely stay up all year. :)

 

My Valentine spoiled me big time. Even from the other side of the world. He sent me a sweet gift card to spend the entire day at the spa (mani/pedi, facial and massage... 5 hours.... bliss). And sent me flowers at work, too. Being a florist he really stresses out about sending me flowers, but he always does a great job! I have my favorite flowers, for sure, but honestly... who would complain about getting flowers?! It was sweet when he told me that he picked these out special because they were called "old fashioned love." And since I like "ya know, vintagey stuff, n things" he thought I would like them, too. :) My room smells amazzzzing.

 

Kjirk got to open his Valentine care package while skyping with me... that was pretty special. One of the things I sent him (cheesy, yes) was a pillow I made. Yep. That's Spokane, Washington. And that's Afghanistan. He loved it.

Today, I slept in. Yes. It's the truth. I played hooky from my hardest class because I needed a mental health morning. Some days you just need to sleep in. Stay in your jammies and messy hair and drink tea. So I did. 

 

{Asparagus, Coloring and Why I Have the Greatest Cat}

First off, let me say I just love food. As a lovely Some E Card so elegantly states, "My life is a constant battle: wanting to eat and not wanting to get fat." It's totally true. I will say that I do love to cook, and besides my wicked sweet tooth, I'm a pretty dang healthy eater. My most recent food love: Asparagus. Holy heck, yummmm.

Secondly, I  totally have a love/hate relationship this school. Can I get an amen? I never actually thought there would come a day that I would say that I love school.... but I truly do. Being in design classes... my heart just knows that's right where it belongs. It's home there. I love walking around campus [mostly]. I love wearing my backpack (really). But I have my moments. On days when I'm so tired I cry. On days where I think I might just want to hit my lovely, sweet, kindhearted, shortest Polish, hardass, architectural graphics teacher. Or on days when my little community college classroom is so cold that we have to bring our own heaters. Sometimes days where I just can't seem to bring myself out of bed. Or mostly the days when I'm so tired I have meltdowns and I have to call me (oh-so-amazing) boss and see if I can come in late [again] so that I can do homework. But really, it's all good. Truth be told, I really kind of love it when this is what homework makes me look like. But not when I'm at school and I have charcoal streaks on my forhead, or above my lip giving a moustache and no one tells me.

Lastly. I will admit that I'm a crazy cat lady. I just love my little kitty. She really is my best little friend. She snuggles more than any cat I've ever met. She's always there waiting at the door with me. She falls asleep with me. She amazes me. She knows when I'm sad, or stressed/overwhelmed. She knows if I'm sick, or if I'm having a lonely day and missing Kjirk. She always knows. And I love that she's really dumb. Her name is Scout. But she thinks it's Kitten. So Kitten she is. But sometimes she's Bean, or Dinglefritz (when she's being particularly daft), or most recently- Squeegy Beckenheim (does ANYone watch GG?). She seriously just sits in my lap while I do homework. She da best.

{Autumn Recap}

I thought I was in the midst of Autumn. It snowed yesterday. I think I was wrong, I think we're at the very end of it...  Snow tires are being acquired this week and I purchased my very first Peppermint Mocha at Starbucks this weekend.

So this is my Autumn Recap. It was a lovely Fall.

{I'll be an awesome student}

On Wednesday, September the 21st, 2011 I will start my adult life. Actually, I feel very much like I have regressed in age.

Whatevs.

Regardless, I start a very new chapter in my life, or maybe more like a brand new book.

I start college.

I know, I know... I've been outta high school for a while and all... but it's time. I'm going for Interior Design. I'll become a prop stylist and design lovely shoots for Vogue and Anthro and other amazing things. 

Loving this print. It sums up my idea of school. Via.

{Family}

My sisters are 8 and 11 years older than me. My brother is 7 years older than me. During my childhood that made our relationship always very unique and oftentimes difficult. While our relationships are still unique, and the age difference hasn't changed, I'm so much closer to them now. Hundreds of miles away and my sister and I are still best friends. I'm happy my brother and his wife live here- it makes going out for dinner and drinks a little more fun.

{Summer}

It's been a good summer. Hope yours all have great, too!

P.S. iPhone has changed my life. :)

{Spontaneous Fun}

This past weekend my friend and I decided that we would paint each others portraits.Clearly that was the best way to spend a Thursday night.  So we loaded up all my paints and glitters, stamps and crafty supplies and a blanket. I was craving some s'mores so bad, too! We made a picnic area in my little "lawn" area and listened to Dubstep and painted away, and then made s'mores with lighters. City life is so much different than what I'm used to.

Have you ever gone to desperate measures to make s'mores?

{Fashion}

I adore clothes. My room is literally overflowing with clothes. I wish my blog could be a little more centered on fashion sometimes. I wish I could show you all of my favorite outfits. But it's always hard to take photos of myself...and it makes me feel extremely narcissistic. But today I was happy to have a friend today take photos of me. My outfit was not that exciting... but completely perfect for the day. This weekend was Elfest in Spokane. Such a fun, indie, hipster- food, music and art collaboration filling Browne's Addition. I loved it.

Hooray for highwaisted double button shorts! Hooray for Ray Ban's! Hooray for Moustache stickers! Hooray for red lipstick! Hooray for feather necklaces!

{Wedding Florals}

Well, hello! I'm so excited to share with you the reason I've been away. Over Memorial Day weekend some of my very dearest friends got married. Words cannot even explain how beautiful the entire extended weekend was. I was so thankful to have 5 long days away from work. A fun trip to Whidbey Island with a dear friend. Lots of memories. Beautiful florals and inspiration. A week spent with my favorite people. It was amazing.

For more information about my floral design, Posey and Bloom, e-mail me at poseyandbloom@gmail.com

{Rainy Spring}

It just keeps raining and raining.... but I adore the rain and find so much beauty in it. I've completely fallen in love with my apartment's courtyard in Spring. It's magical. It's a hidden area in the city and I loooove it.

Do you have any secret gardens?

{Happy Monday}

Happy Monday, friends! Was your weekend spectacular? Mine definitely was. I got to dress up and go to Spring Formal.  We laughed, ate delicious dinner, sipped sparkling cider in a grand room at the Davenport, and then danced the night away at the after  party.

I had to work that day, so I quickly got ready at work. I was planning to quietly slip out... but all the girls helped me finish getting ready. It's like having a bunch of sisters. My hair was super lame, even though I had grand plans for it. I had all of 15 minutes to get ready. I pinned it in a low chignon, and quickly gave up when I got a headache. Simple braid it was.

{Happy Saturday}

Here it is at 1 in the morning... waiting to go to bed. I just gave myself a mani and pedi and and am wait. wait. waiting for my nails to dry. I never wait long enough before I go to bed, and I inevitably wake up with lines from my sheets on my nails. Usually that's not the look I am going for. So tonight I am being patient. Sort of.

Tomorrow I go to a Spring Formal with one of the world's greatest guys. And I'm excited. Basically, it's like Prom all over again. I've changed my mind on my dress multiple times. This is the dress I've finally settled on. But basically, it looks nothing like that anymore. Not after me and my trust Huskvarna laid our hands and needles on it! I'm still contemplating on how to do my hair. I know it will involve braids and will be in an updo, but also trying to avoid the "Heidi" look. You know what I'm talking about. Here are some of my inspirations.

 

Photos

I'll be back Monday with photos! 

XOXO A

{The Happiest Place on Earth}

I'm one of those people who truly believe that Disneyland is the happiest place on earth. But it really is! Anytime anything goes wrong in life all I want to do is go escape to Disney. And when all is well, all I want to do is celebrate at Disney. What's a girl to do?! Go to Disneyland, I suppose.

Where's your happy place?

Photos