{Deployment}

As you've read, I am currently "surviving deployment."

It is unlike anything I have ever experienced before. It's so unique.

It is brave. It is hard. It is sensitive. It is thoughtful. It is rude. It is long. But mostly. It's worth it.

Kjirk is in the ARMY. He is an infantryman.... more specifically he is apart of the airborne division. Yes. He jumps out of airplanes. He's my adrenaline junkie.

He has been deployed since December 5th, 2011. He will not come home until September or October.

I haven't seen him for almost 4 months.

I have some thoughts on being a military SO (significant other) that I thought I would share with you. I don't know if it's a unique perspective, or a common one. It's just a perspective. But I thought I would share.

I've know many girls that swoon over a soldier. They love the uniforms (ok- well, who wouldn't). They love the men. And there is something about that lifestyle that attracts them. There is something they want in being with a soldier. I know you've seen these girls. I went to high school with them. I meet them around.... they do exist. And I do believe they are many.

I was never one of them.

I'm sure they are great guys, and there is a girl for them... but why would you go looking for this lifestyle?? Why would you want to date/marry someone who is gone. ALL. the. time.? Someone who has a very dangerous job. And why would you want to date someone so fascinated with guns and has to wear camo? Let me say it again... camo.

Well, look at what you get when you think like that.

I'll never be one to say "we are deployed." No. "We" are not. Kjirk is. But "we" do face this together. We both go through it and we both have our very own unique difficulties with it.

But this is my thought. These girls pining over their soldiers.... the scare me with the thought that they find their identity in their man.

There are several jobs in soceity that a man has that the wife's job is always titled "-------'s wife."

President's wife.
Pastor's wife.
Soldier's wife.

There are more, to be sure. But a soldiers wife, or a soldier's SO is what I'm talking about today. I've been reading many blogs and going through many websites for SO support during deployment. Believe me, we need to stick together. While I have never met many of these women, they tend to offer me better support than even some of my dearest friends.

Why? Because deployment is such a unique thing.
Why? Because they get it.
Why? Because if I have one more person tell me they "get it" because their boyfriend lives 2 hours away... I might kill them.

But as I search. As I read I come to find that that is who some of these women are. They have lost. their. identity. They are in every sense of the military word: The "dependent."

(Note: please hear me that I am NOT catergorizing all military wives/or SO's. Just some of whom lifestyle I would like to avoid.)

Many women find that that is how they are to live their lives. As the dependent. It is a lifestyle. Absolutely. 100%. My life really changed in some aspects because of the Army and I'm not even in!

But. Here's the difference. I am not solely a soldier's SO. I am Amanda. The same girl I was before.

I am a student.
A good cook.
I work.
I own a floral design business.
A passionate lover of Jesus.

And now I can proudly add a soldier's SO to that. This really applies to deployment.

Guys let me tell you. It's HARD. So very, very hard. Sometimes I think people don't realize it that I'm close to. Since Kjirk already lives long distance from me... what's the difference now? WRONG. And other times, just because I have a happy face all the time. Well, that doesn't mean it's all ok, either. It is a daily struggle.

I find pride in what Kjirk does. But I will not let it define me.

Actually, I think it does quite the opposite.

He and I have a very unique relationship. We are veryyyy opposite in many many ways. I am the artistic type. I talk too much. I can't let us go anywhere from point A to point B without pointing out something mundane that I just want to stare at because of it's beauty. He listens to only rap. Lil Wayne, actually. He's can be rather quiet. He really likes his guns and being outdoorsy. Yet we are the same in so many others. We are supportive of each other, we have the same goals for ourselves. We listen well. We make quite a team. I've always known I have a tendency to develop dependence on others. In friendships, relationships, etc. My last relationship became quite unhealthy. We were both too dependent on each other. I knew I could never let that happen again. I laugh at God's irony in this. There is no way for me to become too dependent on Kjirk, I don't think! Yes. We have a dependence on each other that I think is beautiful. Exactly the way a relationship should be. We rely on each other. We always have each other's backs. We are a team.

But he is often gone. Sometime's I don't hear from him for a week (please imagine having zero contact with your SO for a minute, and let it really sink in....). So what do I do? Wait around for him? No. I live like I would. I do the things I always do. I have to think of fun things to do on Friday nights, because I don't always get to go on dates. I have to always take out the garbage. I have to remember to rely on the Lord when I am alone- and not just Kjirk.

 I will remain independent. I will be me.

And the times he is home... Well, those are the days I love. I am a better person when he is home. It's the best of times. He adds to my happiness immensly. It's like happily ever after...

Thanks for listening. Do I have any military readers?

Oh! And p.s.  Kjirk actually gets to come for 2 full weeks of R&R in the middle of March. That's soooo soon!! I'm so ready!

Also. Ignore the doofy face I was making in that picture. It's the best I've got. Also note, that I was also standing on my tip-toes.