Everything and everything

Here I am sitting on my living room floor wearing hardly any clothes listening to the hum of 3 fans attempting to cool my scorching apartment. It's the strangest and most uncanny moments when you start to ponder the deepest of things.

As I lay here my mind is going over so many things. I can't seem to turn my brain off at all these days. Long days and sleepless nights. One of things you come to expect with a deployment, I suppose. As my brain keeps running I am thinking how I got to where I am right now. No, not the underwear-only-wearing, sitting in the living room- right now. But the right now that is my life. A student. A soon to be wife. A crazy person trying to plan a wedding while trying to also move away from my home to a new home 2,500 miles away. A sad person missing the love of her life. It's a lot to take in, really.

I suppose I got here from a lot of things. Mistakes. Good choices. Unintentional choices. My family. God's grace. But either way you look at it- here I am. Wanting to crawl in a hole and sleep until it's over. And yet somehow, at the same time, ready to yell and scream "Bring it on world! I'm ready for this new life and everything it has to offer." I guess I just don't know which voice is winning sometimes.


Would you like some life updates?

Our wedding is supposed to be a year away. "Summer of 2013." Well, that's a joke. My wedding is in two months. Two months from today, actually. To say I'm excited is an understatement. And to say I'm ready is an absolute truth.

In two months I'll be moving from my hometown in Washington state to a place I've never been before (nor really had a desire to ever venture to)- Anchorage, Alaska. Please refrain from the reminders of how cold I'll be. I know. And no, I don't fish. Or hunt. Or even like to camp. It's going to be an adventure to say the least.

In 2 hours it will just about 45 days until my sweetheart is back on United States soil. I still won't get to see him. But I'll feel safer knowing he's not at war. And boy, am I are we so ready for that phrase to no longer exist.

My life is about to drastically change. It's a factual thing I acknowledge- but have I really? Sometimes when I am lying in bed attempting to fall asleep it will all start hitting me at once. I am getting married. I'm about to be a wife. After almost a year, Kjirk and I can be together- I will actually get to put my arms around him. I am leaving my home, my beloved little apartment and family. I'll be living in Alaska. ALASKA. That sentence still tastes a little bitter in my mouth. Thankfully "I'll be living with my husband after a year apart" is so much sweeter than the former, that I forget the bitter taste.

So with my life about to change to much. This blog needs to, as well. When I started it I was 17. A junior in high school. Someone with little aspirations for life. Someone who was scared to live. And here I am. Living life to the fullest with the love of my life by my side (well, maybe on the other side of the world).